Teasing, Torment and Bullies

As a parent, I think my children are perfect, not infallible, but really just perfect at filling the responsibilities of being children. My Noah performs his role as a kid brilliantly. He’s obedient, thoughtful, selfless, kind, funny, logical and all-boy in his tastes and preferences. My Sofia fulfills her Sofia-ness with verve. She’s impetuous, curious, strong-willed, self-reliant, delicate, feminine, and has me wrapped around her finger. Most parents I know feel the same way about their children; which is why parents out there can understand the pain in my heart at Noah’s recent experience with ‘bullies’.

At recess yesterday, Noah was playing by himself. He often plays with other kids and has good friends at school. But he also relishes acting out the incredibly expansive and exquisitely constructed scenarios in his imagination. I foster his imagination because I believe it’s the only place where he feels like he is completely understood and unquestionably accepted.

Some kids noticed Noah’s play and commenced mocking him. I am unclear about some the details because Noah’s description of what happened is more based on the emotions that resulted than the specific actions. What I have pieced together is that they teased him about playing alone. When he defended himself, they started teasing him about his speech.

My initial reaction was anger. I wanted to physically protect my son by lashing out at the perpetrators of emotional assault. My head filled with stern words that I hoped would cause emotional hurt similar to the pain they inflicted on my son. Then my thoughts turned to telling Noah to use his Karate if these children persist and tease him again. Noah’s wicked kicks and elbow strikes would quickly shut the mouths of the offenders.

Anger gave way to heartache. Bitter feelings of my experiences at being bullied exploded within me and threatened to influence my next actions and words. I remembered the how helpless I felt; how much anger and hate I held for my attackers. I recalled fighting the desire to punch my bullies in the face to make them stop the torment.

Noah’s experience doesn’t have to be the same as mine. Most kids get teased, tormented and bullied. I don’t know why I thought my son would be the exception. I re-committed to treating Noah with respect. I will handle his ego carefully. I am determined to guide him to a strong sense of self. My hope is that he owns being Noah with peace and confidence.