Questionnaire from Lou's Blog

Laurie had this on her blog. Since these questionnaires are so hot right now, I thought I would do one, too.

So, here goes:

A: What accessories do you wear everyday? A Star-Trek pin and a BattleStar Galactica necklace

B: What is your beauty routine? Shower, brush teeth, mouthwash and Nair (down there)

C: What was the last item of clothing (for yourself) that you purchased? A vintage 2002 Salt Lake Olympics Roots hat.

D: Do you use a dresser, closet, or both? A dresser for my ‘evening wear’ and a closet for everything else.

E: What type of earrings are in your ears right now? Big hoopy pirate-style

F: What type of figure do you have? Average height, weight of a gnu

G: Do you wear glasses? X-Ray glasses.

H: What type of handbag do you carry? It’s European!!

I: What is your ideal of style? Serial Killer

J: What jewelry are you wearing right now? My watch and Martha Stewart nipple rings.

K: Do you wear knee-hi stockings? They match my lederhosen.

L: Do you *have* to wear matching lingerie? Oui, but of course

M: Do you wear makeup? I’m so darned pretty, if I do wear it, it’s to make-down my appearance so people stop staring at me.

N: Do you wear nightgowns? Oui, but of course!

O: What outerwear do you put on when going out on a typical winters day? This season, it’s faux monkey fur with matching bootlets.

P: What is your favorite perfume? Camel Musk and English Leather (available through Avon and at a convenience store near you)

Q: Is your motto "quality over quantity" when it comes to clothing and accessories? Quantity. I wear as many clothes at one time as I can.

R: Do you wear rain boots? I prefer to call them “Urban Puddle Walkers” It sounds more androgynous that way.

S: Do you wear socks or slippers when your feet get cold? See Q.

T: Do you have a set of travel luggage? See O.

U: What is your daily uniform? Shirt, sometimes pants but always socks.

V: If you are married, did you wear a veil with your wedding dress? No, but I lift my brides veil to give her a smooch.

W: Do you wear a watch? Everyday

X: What item of clothing always makes you feel eXtremely beautiful? My Martha Stewart toe-ring and matching nipple rings.

Y: What is your favorite type of yarn? Yak

Z: Do you prefer zippers or buttons? Button fly is the best. Zippers seem so threatening to my ‘down there’ parts.

Happy Birthday Laurie

It’s my bride’s birthday today. I wish I could have lavished her with many expensive gifts and purchased servants to grant her every whim. Instead, I provided her with a pauper’s offering and hope that my devotion and love for her will overcome my material shortcomings.

Laurie is my perfect match. She and I started out as best friends who talked about everything and we are keeping up the friendship. We often bounce ideas off one another and work to find solutions quickly. I couldn’t imagine a finer spouse to weather all of life’s up and downs with than Laurie.

She makes people feel welcome and loved, which is why she makes friends easily. Laurie is a world-class peacemaker. She can calm my raging temper with her smile. Her patience with the boy and me are beyond measure. When you speak with her, she really listens to what you say and makes you feel like your ideas and thoughts are very important.

Laurie is creative and playful. There are many times that I am stumped when trying to teach the boy things. She is able to develop methods to teach him all things in language he will understand. Her child like excitement for simple things can really liven things up. When we went on vacation to California, she was hopping around like a 9-year old girl when we went to the beach because she loves the ocean.

She is a speed-reader and easily absorbs the information she reads. You can ask her about the plot of any book she previously read and will provide you with details that most people wouldn’t remember.

My wife is a tender and faithful soul. Her tolerance for swearing and violence is minimal. She remains close to the Lord regardless of the trials she is going through. Her unpretentious adherence to her religion makes her a stellar example to those around her.

Laurie, I love and adore you. You still make my life exciting and worthwhile. I am grateful that I married an 'amazing' woman like you. Happy Birthday Love!

Christmas Miracle

Laurie and I have been yearning for a recliner for years. It all started when I valiantly promised that I would purchase a nice recliner for my wife during her first pregnancy. Unfortunately, I was unable to live up to that promise. She reminded me of her desire every time we saw a nice recliner. It wasn’t a direct reminder; it was a more subtle reminder in the fashion of women. Something like: “Boy, that recliner would sure be nice. I would really enjoy sitting in it during late nights with our babies.” My guilt at not being able to provide a recliner for my wife was enhanced by my own desire for a comfortable chair to relax in.

Thanks to the majesty of selflessness during the holidays, we experienced a Christmas miracle that has allowed me to maintain some dignity, but has also granted us a beautiful leather recliner. My parents heard us talking about a particular recliner at Costco. They set out to purchase this recliner for us and surprise us with it for Christmas. However, before they had their chance to surprise us, Laurie and I found that there was only one chair left in the valley. My parents discarded their wish for a surprise and bought the chair for us yesterday. It’s so comfortable that it’s probably a sin to sit in it for too long. Laurie and I were taking turns sitting in it last night.

Halloween Moochers

Although Halloween is thought to be a holiday in which comic mischief is allowed, I believe that civilized communities need to maintain some etiquette during the festivities.

For example, when trick-or-treating, you need to wait for the resident of the house to open the door in order to obtain your treat. It is considered poor manners to walk into someone’s home and demand candy. Likewise, it’s crucial for members of the community to give and take in harmony. If you take your child trick-or-treating in your neighborhood, you must give candy to the other children in the neighborhood. Sadly, my small family has disturbed this Halloween harmony by only taking candy and not giving any in return. The disturbance to harmony dawned on me as my son trudged up the steps of the last home on our block with 6 lbs. of candy weighing him down.

Let all of my neighbors rest assured that next year, we will provide treats to their children, just as they gave treats to my child. Thus harmony will be restored and the spirits who roam the Earth towards their final destination on Halloween do not need to be perturbed by the break in balance.