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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Children Ruin Everything

Many of my friends and coworkers are pregnant. I swear that there is a new baby born every .10 seconds in Salt Lake. Everyone wants a kid, until they have one. They imagine that they will be able to enjoy time together with their new baby and patiently teach them all of the wonderful wise things that they have learned. Parents-to-be also vow that they will raise their child better than their parents raised them.

What new parents don't realize is that their lives are ruined as soon as that first child escapes the warm comfort of the womb and screams forth into this world from it's mother's vagina
Technically speaking, parents live. I mean we breath and blink and eat and poop. However, the life that was once filled with lazy Saturday mornings of sleeping in, going to movies at the drop of a hat and having long nights of steamy sex is dead. You will never recover that.

I will admit, I love my son and wouldn't trade him for anything. But parents only live to help their child(ren) survive, that is unless the parents are completely selfish a-holes.

When you become a new parent, be prepared to shed your playful, carefree days. Your life is over. You now begin a new life in which you function only to help your posterity survive. I hope that your marriage is strong enough to survive that change

7 comments:

Laurie said...

Hon, you are so funny. I know you love Noah and there is now just different fun to be had. We are tired and Noah adores you. You are a fabulous father and husband and We Love you

Laurie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nik English said...

Amen Reverand!

Dave S. S. said...

I think I will just adopt an 18 year old and then when I get them home I can kick them out of the house and tell them to "get a job you bumb"

Danny said...

I would trade my new life for nothing. The blessings I receive from welcoming my children into my life are indescribable. I can't understand how anyone could feel otherwise. The fun I have with my children is better than any I ever had before they were here.

Greg and Sheryl said...

Unlike Danny, when I (Greg) had an unexpected child with my first wife, it indeed ruined everything. It was so bad that when the divorce happened five years later, I was happy to give up all custodial and visitation rights. Today, my second wife Sheryl and I are living child-free, and I am much, much happier than before.

Anonymous said...

Kids do ruin everything. I do not have my own kids and never will. I've been a full time nanny and know that they ruin everything! They are whiny, annoying, messy, and get you sick all the time. They ruin furniture, carpets, etc. What really pisses me off is that apartments require pet deposits incase they ruin anything; well newsflash, how about a kid deposit instead. My dog doesn't ruin anything!