I am aspiring to write my own short story, for my own pleasure. I thought it might be fun to provide an intro to a story I have been thinking of and solicit ideas from those who read my blog on where to take the story next. So, if you have a few minutes, read my intro and let me know if I screwed up any grammar and also let me know where else I could take the story:
Metallic tasting blood seeped into his mouth. His eyes popped open and his view was consumed by an aluminum bat approaching his face quickly. Too tired to react with anything more than the most primitive motions; his eyes simply closed when the bat made contact. Starbursts erupted behind his closed lids. A piercing buzz filled his ears and as the pain burst through his head. Unconsciousness mercifully saved him from feeling the subsequent blows.
Bright light strived to breach his eye-lids. The filtered orange-pink light was the first sensation Liam noticed as he returned to consciousness. He knew he had sustained a violent beating and was amazed that he wasn’t dead. Taking great care to evaluate his injuries, he first took metered breaths. No pain resulted from his breathing. Relieved that he could breathe comfortably, he decided to test his vision. Dirt had become lodged in his eyes, cemented by the involuntary tears of pain that occurred sometime during the pummeling he took. He slowly opened his eyes and the thin layer of dirt cracked and fell away. Liam had to blink a few times to focus his vision. He was laying sideways, his head resting on the sidewalk and the rest of his body sprawled in the gutter. Now he noticed a deep, pulsing ache that was perfectly timed with his heartbeat at both the base of his skull and temples. He hoped that he had no permanent damage to his head or neck, so only used his eyes at first to evaluate his surroundings. Low warehouses and storage structures surrounded him. Seagulls floated lazily in the sky searching food. A solitary wispy cloud moved quickly against the bright blue backdrop of the sky. Grateful that he wasn’t blind he moved on to his hearing. A persistent buzzing loomed in his ears, as if he had gone to a loud rock concert the night before. The natural sounds were distant, but he could recognize most of them. Waves were crashing against a nearby beach and seagulls screeched. Liam moved his hands and arms carefully. Satisfied that no bones were broken, he tenderly scanned the rest of his body. He found a large lump behind his forehead. Dried blood covered his left ear and the left-side of his neck. Two teeth were missing from his mouth. His clothes were torn and frayed. Remembering being dragged behind a slow-moving car across a warehouse floor, he was surprised he even had clothes on. He completed his evaluation by moving his legs and feet. Bruises covered his arms, wrists and legs. When the assault first started, he recalled trying to defend himself. Later, he remembered groaning with pain, but was unable to hold his hands up anymore.
Bright light strived to breach his eye-lids. The filtered orange-pink light was the first sensation Liam noticed as he returned to consciousness. He knew he had sustained a violent beating and was amazed that he wasn’t dead. Taking great care to evaluate his injuries, he first took metered breaths. No pain resulted from his breathing. Relieved that he could breathe comfortably, he decided to test his vision. Dirt had become lodged in his eyes, cemented by the involuntary tears of pain that occurred sometime during the pummeling he took. He slowly opened his eyes and the thin layer of dirt cracked and fell away. Liam had to blink a few times to focus his vision. He was laying sideways, his head resting on the sidewalk and the rest of his body sprawled in the gutter. Now he noticed a deep, pulsing ache that was perfectly timed with his heartbeat at both the base of his skull and temples. He hoped that he had no permanent damage to his head or neck, so only used his eyes at first to evaluate his surroundings. Low warehouses and storage structures surrounded him. Seagulls floated lazily in the sky searching food. A solitary wispy cloud moved quickly against the bright blue backdrop of the sky. Grateful that he wasn’t blind he moved on to his hearing. A persistent buzzing loomed in his ears, as if he had gone to a loud rock concert the night before. The natural sounds were distant, but he could recognize most of them. Waves were crashing against a nearby beach and seagulls screeched. Liam moved his hands and arms carefully. Satisfied that no bones were broken, he tenderly scanned the rest of his body. He found a large lump behind his forehead. Dried blood covered his left ear and the left-side of his neck. Two teeth were missing from his mouth. His clothes were torn and frayed. Remembering being dragged behind a slow-moving car across a warehouse floor, he was surprised he even had clothes on. He completed his evaluation by moving his legs and feet. Bruises covered his arms, wrists and legs. When the assault first started, he recalled trying to defend himself. Later, he remembered groaning with pain, but was unable to hold his hands up anymore.
5 comments:
you are a talented man and I have always thought you should do something with your writing. The only typo error I was was hands and feed should be hands and feet. I want to know more. Who pummelled him and why and love the name by the way. Good job love. I will contemplate this some more
I have always thought you should write a book!! Now it is confirmed even more.....that was brillant!!
Great story Kersten! What kind of a story are you thinking of making this? It would make a great mystery novel. Like Liam is a hard-ass detective that got too close to the truth! Or a double crossing mob member that was found out! It has potential!
Nice wordsmithing there K. very descriptive.
I think you could go with something that has been taken away from the main character and he has to reclaim it.
or. . .
Someone who has been mustering courage to confront the people who beat him, he finally got the courage and was beaten . . and now he has to muster courage again. . . like he has one purpose and he is determined to achieve it.
Your should write a Zombie Novel, Nay, it is your duty to write a Zombie Novel. A Post Apocalyptic Zombie novel, where Larry H gets it in the end. Also where Larry H cries about his family.
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