The HHC

A few years ago my friend and I started a special club, the HHC. This club has exclusive membership. We do not accept applications or petitions to join. Rather, a member of the HHC must witness a certain act or behavior in order to induct a candidate into the club.

Imagine a young husband who has been married for less than 3 years. He and his wife seem happy and hopeful. Suddenly, the husband performs a behavior or act that kills the honeymoon. This act is the pivotal moment in a married couple’s life in which the wife actually re-evaluates her decision to stay married to this poor husband. The behavior or act could include any of the following; purchasing a game console, purchasing a large TV, skipping out on a family party to play basketball with your friends, being honest about how your wife looks in a particularly bad piece of clothing, washing your red shirt with her favorite white blouse or any other number of infractions. Whatever the behavior is, it must enrage wife so much that she gets mad enough to spit fire.

I performed a great insult last week that helped solidify my status as a co-founder of the HHC. Our T.V. went on the fritz. As avid movie watchers, we needed to replace the T.V. I found a used one on Craigslist for a great deal. This new (used) T.V. was significantly larger than our old one. It was a great deal and in great shape. When I went to pick up the T.V., I could tell right away that it wouldn’t fit in our entertainment center. I called my bride and told her that the T.V. was nice, but wouldn’t fit. She told me that she would let me make the decision. I understood that she was testing me, but my desire for this shiny, fancy TV overwhelmed my common sense. I brought the thing home, hefted it atop of our entertainment center and waited for the hailstorm that would inevitably come when my wife saw this monstrosity. When she saw it, she was initially silent. She made a few off-hand comments. I could tell that I hit the wrong buttons on my wife’s patience control panel. I suffered the mental torment and guilt that comes from making someone you love angry for a few days, but not enough to return the T.V. I had pre-determined that the guilt was worth the new T.V.

HHC stands for Horrible Husbands Club. If you are a married male and you anger your spouse past the point of patience, then you too can be inducted into the HHC.