Kin yuo spel?

I recently received feedback regarding my blog. I appreciate feedback and look forward to reading comments and suggestions. In one particular piece of feedback, I was asked if I could spell. While I justified my poor spelling and grammar by pointing out that my blog is subtitled “RANDOM THOUGHTS AND INSANE RAMBLINGS”, and therefore, misspelled words were part of the ambiance of the blog; I have to confess, I really can’t spell.

My blog contains the limit of my abilities and talents. I know, you must be thinking something like: “Wow Kersten, you must have the mind of a 2 year old baboon.” Yes, it would be ironic if I did have the mind of baboon, as my blog is called “The Baboon”. Plus, it would be handy to blame my stupidity on a severe medical disability. Sadly, my mind is an original Kersten growth. As pitiful as it is, my mind is indeed my own. I make due with what I have. Isn’t that what life is about?

Is it a crime to misspell words in my blog? Should I be punished by having midgets shove bamboo between my fingernails? Why oh, why is Paris Hilton on T.V.?
My answers: No, perhaps and because she’s rich.

Mr. Boots goes night-night

A new law is being debated in the Minnesota state senate: Legalized cat-hunting. Their justification is that they need to minimize bird deaths. What an outstanding idea! Cat-Hunting sounds like an extremely fun way for people to spend their time.

I imagine a still, quiet night on Maple Street. Suddenly, the loud boom and following echo of a 30.06 being fired destroys the peaceful evening. A cat screeches, fur flies and Jimmy emerges from the behind a white-picket fence to claim his prize. He swats at some gently falling tufts of cat-hair in front of his face and removes his camouflage hat. There, on the sidewalk sits the obliterated body of anonymous alley cat #345. “That bastard never knew what hit him” thinks Jimmy. He removes some latex gloves from a pocket in his NRA vest and picks up the torn remains of the unsuspecting feline. Jimmy callously carries the cat-carcass to his back yard and into his garage. There he begins the gruesome task of preparing the head for mounting, to display above his fireplace. He has already bagged 16 cats this year, some of whom belonged to his neighbors, but most were just ratty strays.

Wow! Well, as you can see, it’s a thrilling prospect. I am not sure why they limit the hunt to just cats. I think they could open season on stray dogs, abandoned alligators and orphaned newts. It would really give the average American the chance to prove his/her meddle in reducing the packs of feral animals roaming the streets and living off of garbage and birds. And so what if a “stray” bullet accidentally hits that yappy dog next-door? You’ve just contributed to the overall peace and harmony of the neighborhood!

Just think about it: Legalized Domestic Animal Hunting. The NRA will see an increase in membership and Smith and Wesson will rise out of self-loathing to become a respectable American institution. The thought of it just makes me want to put my right hand on my heart and look at Old Glory with tears in my eyes.

Tax Refund Anticipation-Christmas for Adults

In keeping with ancient tradition, my wife and I file our taxes via snail mail. I am not quite sure why we haven't transitioned into more modern forms of filing. We are either lazy and fear changing our foolish tradition, or our accountant will charge us more to efile. Regardless of the reasons, we find ourselves waiting for our tax-refund. The anticipation that exists in waiting for our refund is like Christmas when you were a kid - You just knew you were getting that cool Luke Skywalker with the retractable Lightsaber that came out of his arm and a his sweet X-Wing with R2-D2 in the back! You were waiting for this awesome gift to come and had been anxiously counting down the days before Christmas since your birthday. It's Anticipation season again.
Here we sit, counting down the 6-8 weeks: "Four weeks left, dear!" The reply: "Ooo! I can't wait! We can finally (fill in any frivolous purchase/car repair here)!". The week following, the anticipation builds. Songs are created from the sheer excitement of getting money from the government. Such Anticipation songs include the classic: "We can't wait, We can't wait. Oh, Tax-Refund, please don't be late!" and "daddies gonna buy a new muffler!" The off-key refrains can be heard for weeks prior to the big day.
In some small way, we even decorate for the event. We leave a space empty in our closet for the new clothes that we need to buy and are waiting for our return to purchase. My wife designates the south side of her closet for the new skirt and blouse. I designate the middle, so as not to exclude old and perfectly serviceable clothes. The ever-increasing oil stain in the drive way marks the joy of the season. Even the smell of blooming lilacs brings to mind the memories of anticipations gone past.
Wow, I am so thrilled for my refund to come! I just can't sleep tonight... Happy Anticipation!